Sunday, November 7, 2010

But Wait, There's MORE!

As promised, below is my girlfriends response to my last post:

I think Dana is right on the mark ... plus it doesn't hurt to have an amazingly supportive girlfriend like myself to make you a believer! Har har, actually we struggled with those initial conversations and first firsts. It took a looonng time for us engage the "elephant" in the room. I think it's important to note that even the most open minded partner will need to come to terms with what having a trans partner means for them. Depending on where one is in transition can vary that a lot.. and as things change.. that does too . I know we did a lot wrong before we got it right .. And we are still learning everyday.
It's true I think making friends with one of Dana's friends was invaluable. She was farther along and prepping for her SRS when we met but I have to admit I had followed her blog for a long time before that. We talked about everything and I wasn't afraid to be blunt in my 345654456 questions. It also was a great spring board for conversations with Dana. I would use some caution here though because your primary goal is communication with your partner and you do not want them to feel like you are more comfortable with someone else. Every time I talked with our friend I would use it to initiate a more personal talk with Dana and we grew leaps and bounds. I can still remember what it felt like to have open conversations for the first time . Truly amazing.
I think trying to understand from your partners perspective is also invaluable as long as you realize the best way to truely get where they are coming from is to ask them. Some of the typical relationship problems are exacerbated by the new uncharted territory one or both people are experiencing.
Also, I would to note after the initial adjustment you know ( from this perspective) if you will be ok with this. If you or your partner are not sure they can handle it please for everyone involved be upfront and talk it out. It's hard to discuss these matters but it's so important to talk it out even if that means a break up.
Communication is key but it can be so tough sometimes. Up front, regular, real, honest dialogue is the only way for success. I can't stress it enough!!

I also think it is important to remember that a lot of your success will be purely unpredictable, contrary to Dana's personality commentary, which is somewhat valid, I think that sometimes you just have to give it a go. Now, am I telling you to "out" yourself to someone who will obviously flip out - or someone that is likely to become dangerous. .. no... but I am saying people might surprise you. For example, if someone would have asked me if I would be madly in love and spending the rest of my life with someone that was "transgendered", I would have had said .. is what??! What's that?!? and I would have probably tried to play off my uncomfortableness. I thought terms like crossdresser, drag queen, transvestite and transsexual were all the same thing.. and yeah, I am obviously not that person anymore.. but who knew?!?!
Life is good, love is grand! I feel so lucky ! xoxoxo

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